Had the first blood test of Round 3 today. My numbers are looking good but not peaking yet so I'm going back on Friday for another blood test and a scan. I'm still holding out hope that we can do the IUI itself on Monday. Jo the Clinic nurse talked about perhaps giving me a trigger shot on Friday and doing the IUI on Saturday but we'll see what my bloods are like on Friday.
One of my friends gave me this link today. It really resonated with me because a lot of what she talks about I have experienced too. It reminded me that no matter what my situation is, I shouldn't compare myself to those around me. Everyone is dealing with their own lives, their own struggles, and I shouldn't let my experiences affect their experiences and vice versa. It's quite a long post but I really recommend it.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
IUI Round 3: A New Beginning
Day 1 of my cycle today means I start my drugs tomorrow. 75IUs of FSH, same as the last round. Dr Swift is happy that the dose is right - last round I produced one excellent follicle at about the right time so fingers crossed we have a similar result this time. And then of course we get to see if the hysteroscopy and D&C and had has helped make the insemination itself easier. I go for my first blood test on Wednesday next week. Fingers crossed we can do the insem on the Monday after that! This round I definitely want to have both I-Day and R-Day off work. Last round on results day I was a complete mess and couldn't focus on anything. If both of those can occur on a Monday then that would be fabulous.
I'm feeling a little more confident this round but also a little more comfortable with whatever the outcome is. It's always a fine line between being positive and building yourself up too much, as anyone in a similar situation would know. So I'm staying positive but also adopting a wait-and-see approach.
I'm feeling a little more confident this round but also a little more comfortable with whatever the outcome is. It's always a fine line between being positive and building yourself up too much, as anyone in a similar situation would know. So I'm staying positive but also adopting a wait-and-see approach.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Surgery Update
I had my surgery yesterday. Well, I suppose it hardly counts as surgery - "surgical procedure" is probably a better way to describe it - but to make it easier and save on explanations I just say "minor surgery".
Anyway...We got picked up by the taxi at 6am to deliver us to the hospital by the 6:30am admission time. We're only about 10 minutes away from the hospital but I'm paranoid about relying on transport options other than my own car so I always leave plenty of time. I filled in a sheaf of forms and we sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes before a nurse came to take me through and Dave trotted off for coffee.
The nurse took me a little admissions room where I filled out yet more forms and had my blood pressure checked. Then I was given a basket to put my clothes in and a stylish paper outfit to change into: paper robe, paper hat, paper booties, and the dreaded paper knickers. They also gave me an old-fashioned cotton gown to wear as a kind of light dressing gown and to keep my back covered up. They weighed me, then I sat in another waiting room swaddled in a lovely warm snuggly blanket and reading Australian Womens Weekly until the anaesthetist came.
The anaesthetitst, Joe Someone - Swartoski? - ran through my anaesthetic prep form with me and then explained he'd be putting a little doodad in the back of my hand or my inner elbow to administer the anaesthetic. I asked him to put it in the back of my hand if he could because my poor elbow veins are getting a bit rough from all my blood tests, and he said he'd see what he could do. Then I was taken through to the theatre and hopped up on the bed and covered with another warm blanket. I guess Joe decided he had to put my anaesthetic in my arm, though, because he said there'd be a little prick there and I felt him put a needle in. I didn't think he'd actually given me the anaesthetic at that point but then the ceiling started swirling round and round and I just managed to glance at the clock to see it was 7:10am before I went out.
About an hour later I woke up in recovery, confused and disoriented and sleepy but actually feeling better than I expected. I didn't feel really groggy and there wasn't too much pain, just a kind of uncomfortable crampy feeling. I lay there for a few minutes to wake up properly and then the nurse brought me my basket of clothes and I got dressed by myself. There was a bit of blood, but nothing a hospital-grade pad couldn't handle.
After I was dressed, I went out to the recovery room (where Dave was already waiting) and sat in a comfy recliner chair and had some sandwiches and a cup of tea and some shortbread. Then the nurse came back and gave me my card with my follow-up appointment booked (in two weeks, on the 29th) and organised our return taxi. We were done and heading home before 9am, an hour and a half earlier than predicted.
I was expecting that I would crash out in the afternoon and have a nap but I felt pretty good all day: I read my New Scientist magazine, played a computer game, watched TV, and just generally relaxed. I felt good enough to help Dave cook a delicious risotto for dinner. I went to bed quite early but didn't manage to get to sleep until around 10:30pm.
Overall I felt that this surgery was much better than previous ones - I know it's not on the same scale as my laparoscopies, but I just generally felt that everything went better than expected for a change. This whole fertility journey has been plagued with things not going according to plan since the start and it was a pleasant change to have something go better than expected!
This morning I woke up quite late and I'm feeling a bit shadier - it's kind of a hungover feeling, my head is a bit fuzzy and I don't really have an appetite. I'm glad I took the extra day to rest and recover. Now we just wait for the follow-up appointment in two weeks and can hopefully go straight into a new IUI cycle right after that! We really want to fit in our last two cycles before the end of the calendar year, because our Medicare Safety Net resets at that point and we get quite a bit more money back while we're over our Safety Net limit. That's also a good time to reassess and determine what the next step is. Even though I want a child very, very, badly, I really can't see myself going through IVF. Coping with the IUIs has been enough of a struggle and IVF is 50 times worse. I'm still not ruling it out 100% (how many times have I said that now?), but the chances of us going to that point are very close to zero. Dave is dead-set against it as well. So I suppose we just have to wait and see what happens with our last IUI cycles.
Anyway...We got picked up by the taxi at 6am to deliver us to the hospital by the 6:30am admission time. We're only about 10 minutes away from the hospital but I'm paranoid about relying on transport options other than my own car so I always leave plenty of time. I filled in a sheaf of forms and we sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes before a nurse came to take me through and Dave trotted off for coffee.
The nurse took me a little admissions room where I filled out yet more forms and had my blood pressure checked. Then I was given a basket to put my clothes in and a stylish paper outfit to change into: paper robe, paper hat, paper booties, and the dreaded paper knickers. They also gave me an old-fashioned cotton gown to wear as a kind of light dressing gown and to keep my back covered up. They weighed me, then I sat in another waiting room swaddled in a lovely warm snuggly blanket and reading Australian Womens Weekly until the anaesthetist came.
The anaesthetitst, Joe Someone - Swartoski? - ran through my anaesthetic prep form with me and then explained he'd be putting a little doodad in the back of my hand or my inner elbow to administer the anaesthetic. I asked him to put it in the back of my hand if he could because my poor elbow veins are getting a bit rough from all my blood tests, and he said he'd see what he could do. Then I was taken through to the theatre and hopped up on the bed and covered with another warm blanket. I guess Joe decided he had to put my anaesthetic in my arm, though, because he said there'd be a little prick there and I felt him put a needle in. I didn't think he'd actually given me the anaesthetic at that point but then the ceiling started swirling round and round and I just managed to glance at the clock to see it was 7:10am before I went out.
About an hour later I woke up in recovery, confused and disoriented and sleepy but actually feeling better than I expected. I didn't feel really groggy and there wasn't too much pain, just a kind of uncomfortable crampy feeling. I lay there for a few minutes to wake up properly and then the nurse brought me my basket of clothes and I got dressed by myself. There was a bit of blood, but nothing a hospital-grade pad couldn't handle.
After I was dressed, I went out to the recovery room (where Dave was already waiting) and sat in a comfy recliner chair and had some sandwiches and a cup of tea and some shortbread. Then the nurse came back and gave me my card with my follow-up appointment booked (in two weeks, on the 29th) and organised our return taxi. We were done and heading home before 9am, an hour and a half earlier than predicted.
I was expecting that I would crash out in the afternoon and have a nap but I felt pretty good all day: I read my New Scientist magazine, played a computer game, watched TV, and just generally relaxed. I felt good enough to help Dave cook a delicious risotto for dinner. I went to bed quite early but didn't manage to get to sleep until around 10:30pm.
Overall I felt that this surgery was much better than previous ones - I know it's not on the same scale as my laparoscopies, but I just generally felt that everything went better than expected for a change. This whole fertility journey has been plagued with things not going according to plan since the start and it was a pleasant change to have something go better than expected!
This morning I woke up quite late and I'm feeling a bit shadier - it's kind of a hungover feeling, my head is a bit fuzzy and I don't really have an appetite. I'm glad I took the extra day to rest and recover. Now we just wait for the follow-up appointment in two weeks and can hopefully go straight into a new IUI cycle right after that! We really want to fit in our last two cycles before the end of the calendar year, because our Medicare Safety Net resets at that point and we get quite a bit more money back while we're over our Safety Net limit. That's also a good time to reassess and determine what the next step is. Even though I want a child very, very, badly, I really can't see myself going through IVF. Coping with the IUIs has been enough of a struggle and IVF is 50 times worse. I'm still not ruling it out 100% (how many times have I said that now?), but the chances of us going to that point are very close to zero. Dave is dead-set against it as well. So I suppose we just have to wait and see what happens with our last IUI cycles.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Surgery Booked
My period started on Wednesday so I booked my next surgery for Monday. Like I said last post, I'm having a hysteroscopy and dilatation to try to make my cervix play ball for our next IUI attempt. I didn't want to take any chances with recovery so I'm having Tuesday off to rest. Monday is my day off anyway so it all works out.
In other news, this evening once most of my coworkers had left one of them came in with her baby. I was talking to the baby and gave him a bit of a cuddle and then when I went back to my desk the office cleaner asked me when I was planning on starting a family. Now, this dude has been coming twice a week to clean our office for the whole time I've been working there (coming up to four years) but I would still barely class him as an acquaintance: I have a chat to him sometimes while he's there but I'm not comfortable discussing personal stuff with him and I feel that he sometimes asks odd, personal questions and generally find him a little bit creepy. So I politely replied, "I don't think that's any of your business." Then he got quite shirty with me for getting so "offended" and kept pushing and pushing, going on about how obviously I liked kids but if I'm that offended then he won't ask again, etc etc. I kind of just ignored him because I was actually really upset. I find it hard to be around babies anyway so I was already feeling a bit down, and to be blindsided with that question when I'm preparing for surgery to continue our fertility treatment was pretty hard for me to handle.
Afterwards though there was this little voice in my head that was telling me I over-reacted. I guess it's so ingrained in me (and possibly in many women) to not rock the boat or offend people (especially men) that I really was starting to feel that I was the one out of line, not him. After a general enquiry on Twitter though I was reassured that my firm yet polite reply was perfectly fine and that his reaction was his problem, not mine - thanks to everyone who replied and supported me, far too many to list you all, but particularly @katagal because I shamelessly stole your wording for this post :)
Anyway, this post has been kind of rambly and point-lacking. I will update again next week after my surgery is done!
In other news, this evening once most of my coworkers had left one of them came in with her baby. I was talking to the baby and gave him a bit of a cuddle and then when I went back to my desk the office cleaner asked me when I was planning on starting a family. Now, this dude has been coming twice a week to clean our office for the whole time I've been working there (coming up to four years) but I would still barely class him as an acquaintance: I have a chat to him sometimes while he's there but I'm not comfortable discussing personal stuff with him and I feel that he sometimes asks odd, personal questions and generally find him a little bit creepy. So I politely replied, "I don't think that's any of your business." Then he got quite shirty with me for getting so "offended" and kept pushing and pushing, going on about how obviously I liked kids but if I'm that offended then he won't ask again, etc etc. I kind of just ignored him because I was actually really upset. I find it hard to be around babies anyway so I was already feeling a bit down, and to be blindsided with that question when I'm preparing for surgery to continue our fertility treatment was pretty hard for me to handle.
Afterwards though there was this little voice in my head that was telling me I over-reacted. I guess it's so ingrained in me (and possibly in many women) to not rock the boat or offend people (especially men) that I really was starting to feel that I was the one out of line, not him. After a general enquiry on Twitter though I was reassured that my firm yet polite reply was perfectly fine and that his reaction was his problem, not mine - thanks to everyone who replied and supported me, far too many to list you all, but particularly @katagal because I shamelessly stole your wording for this post :)
Anyway, this post has been kind of rambly and point-lacking. I will update again next week after my surgery is done!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Situation Update
Today we had our appointment with Dr Swift to discuss options. He suggested that, because our IUI procedures have been difficult, we may want to consider simply moving on to IVF. We explained that we're not really keen on IVF right now and that we'd really prefer to have at least 1 or 2 more rounds of IUI. So, to reduce my stress, make it easier for him, and (hopefully) improve our chances, I need to have yet another surgical procedure, called a hysteroscopy & dilatation.
Basically it's a day procedure in which I get knocked out for about 20 minutes while he sticks yet another video camera inside my vagina to check out my cervix, then he dilates the cervix to try to open it up and keep it more open. Because of where I'm at in my current cycle, he doesn't want to do that this month. So, timing-wise, we wait until my next period starts then call to book that in on the Monday following my period. Then we wait out the rest of that cycle before starting a new IUI cycle. This means that we are having a two-month break, which is probably not a bad thing, with all the other things going on right now.
So that's where we're at. Of course, all our problems could be solved if we would just get pregnant!
Basically it's a day procedure in which I get knocked out for about 20 minutes while he sticks yet another video camera inside my vagina to check out my cervix, then he dilates the cervix to try to open it up and keep it more open. Because of where I'm at in my current cycle, he doesn't want to do that this month. So, timing-wise, we wait until my next period starts then call to book that in on the Monday following my period. Then we wait out the rest of that cycle before starting a new IUI cycle. This means that we are having a two-month break, which is probably not a bad thing, with all the other things going on right now.
So that's where we're at. Of course, all our problems could be solved if we would just get pregnant!
Friday, July 15, 2011
IUI Round 2 Result: Negative
Just in case there is anyone who reads this blog but doesn't follow me on Twitter or have me on Facebook, today's result was unfortunately negative. I'm not going to say any more just yet because I haven't had an opportunity to discuss it properly with Dave yet.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Emotional Rollercoaster
Tonight is my office's annual dinner. I should be getting ready to leave right now. I've been looking forward to it for ages - I bought a snazzy new dress from ASOS, and all week I've been getting more and more excited.
Then, this morning, I crashed. Emotionally. I don't know what triggered it, although I think it is a combination of factors. I've been close to tears all day, and had several crying sessions in the bathroom. I've worked hard to maintain my cheerful facade all day but the cracks are starting to show. It's like I'm wearing a mask, and maintaining that mask takes a lot of effort. I keep it in place all day at work, and I don't have the energy left for social encounters.
This is why I've stopped seeing certain people. This is why I've been skipping social events. I'm just trying to keep myself together enough to function. But I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up.
Then, this morning, I crashed. Emotionally. I don't know what triggered it, although I think it is a combination of factors. I've been close to tears all day, and had several crying sessions in the bathroom. I've worked hard to maintain my cheerful facade all day but the cracks are starting to show. It's like I'm wearing a mask, and maintaining that mask takes a lot of effort. I keep it in place all day at work, and I don't have the energy left for social encounters.
This is why I've stopped seeing certain people. This is why I've been skipping social events. I'm just trying to keep myself together enough to function. But I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up.
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