Situation Update

Today we had our appointment with Dr Swift to discuss options.  He suggested that, because our IUI procedures have been difficult, we may want to consider simply moving on to IVF.  We explained that we're not really keen on IVF right now and that we'd really prefer to have at least 1 or 2 more rounds of IUI.  So, to reduce my stress, make it easier for him, and (hopefully) improve our chances, I need to have yet another surgical procedure, called a hysteroscopy & dilatation.

Basically it's a day procedure in which I get knocked out for about 20 minutes while he sticks yet another video camera inside my vagina to check out my cervix, then he dilates the cervix to try to open it up and keep it more open.  Because of where I'm at in my current cycle, he doesn't want to do that this month.  So, timing-wise, we wait until my next period starts then call to book that in on the Monday following my period.  Then we wait out the rest of that cycle before starting a new IUI cycle.  This means that we are having a two-month break, which is probably not a bad thing, with all the other things going on right now.

So that's where we're at.  Of course, all our problems could be solved if we would just get pregnant!

IUI Round 2 Result: Negative

Just in case there is anyone who reads this blog but doesn't follow me on Twitter or have me on Facebook, today's result was unfortunately negative.  I'm not going to say any more just yet because I haven't had an opportunity to discuss it properly with Dave yet.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Tonight is my office's annual dinner.  I should be getting ready to leave right now.  I've been looking forward to it for ages - I bought a snazzy new dress from ASOS, and all week I've been getting more and more excited.

Then, this morning, I crashed.  Emotionally.  I don't know what triggered it, although I think it is a combination of factors.  I've been close to tears all day, and had several crying sessions in the bathroom.  I've worked hard to maintain my cheerful facade all day but the cracks are starting to show.  It's like I'm wearing a mask, and maintaining that mask takes a lot of effort.  I keep it in place all day at work, and I don't have the energy left for social encounters.

This is why I've stopped seeing certain people.  This is why I've been skipping social  events.  I'm just trying to keep myself together enough to function.  But I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up.

IUI Round 2: I-Day!

This morning we headed in to the Clinic for the IUI.  We dropped off Dave's sperm sample then waited around while it was processed until we could do the procedure itself.  Once we were ensconced in the room, Shelley the nurse went over our numbers: my hormone levels were looking really good, Dave's sperm count and motility were really good...in short, everything was good.  We went through the process of triple-checking names and dates of birth, then Dr Swift bustled in and we went through the insemination rigmarole all over again.

I was hoping it would be easier this time, but alas, it wasn't to be.  But finally, after much prodding, poking, and pinching, the deed was done.  He ominously said that if we didn't succeed this time we'd have to have a talk about my cervix, but I wasn't really listening because of the stress and discomfort, so I'm not sure what he meant.  I think he was suggesting I might need some sort of surgical procedure to straighten it out.

I questioned the instructions they'd given me for after-care, because they've put me on double the amount of progesterone as last time: one pessary morning and night.  Dr Swift said he likes having lots of progesterone anyway, and because my pregnancy test last time showed a lower progesterone than they would like, they're not taking any chances this time.  The pessaries are messy and unpleasant and inconvenient, but if they help, I'll do whatever it takes!

After Dr Swift left, Shelley got me some panadol and a glass of water and said there was no rush for us to leave.  So I rested for a few minutes and we talked.  We agreed that if we do manage to produce a child, we definitely don't want to have to go through this whole process again to produce another.  If we get one, we'll be happy.  It's very exhausting, emotionally and physically, and very draining.  I was happy I made the decision to have the whole day off today.

Now we have another Two Week Wait.  We go back on the 15th for the pregnancy blood test.  Fingers crossed.