Tonight is my office's annual dinner. I should be getting ready to leave right now. I've been looking forward to it for ages - I bought a snazzy new dress from ASOS, and all week I've been getting more and more excited.
Then, this morning, I crashed. Emotionally. I don't know what triggered it, although I think it is a combination of factors. I've been close to tears all day, and had several crying sessions in the bathroom. I've worked hard to maintain my cheerful facade all day but the cracks are starting to show. It's like I'm wearing a mask, and maintaining that mask takes a lot of effort. I keep it in place all day at work, and I don't have the energy left for social encounters.
This is why I've stopped seeing certain people. This is why I've been skipping social events. I'm just trying to keep myself together enough to function. But I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it up.
Oh Jen, I hope you are ok. You have lots of people are around that care about you and who are supporting you in this journey.
ReplyDeleteDid you end up going? I hope it was a fun night and your new dress looked fab! In regard to your last paragraph, I can relate (in a different way), please talk to the people you know that care so they can help you through, stay positive! Lucky you sit near the door, hang in there :) x
Thanks chicky :) No, I didn't end up going, and actually felt better after not going. I guess I just needed some time to recharge. I'm sure the others had a great night! I'll just have to save my dress for Melbourne Cup Day :)
ReplyDelete*hugs* Hope you feel better soon :-)
ReplyDelete*sending you love & hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks for the good wishes you two. I feel much better today, but I still hate waiting for the result!
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I have given up being at work during the waiting period. I need to be in a place where I can distract myself. Plus I'm really crazy during the wait and can't focus on one thing for very long.
ReplyDeleteI really hope this is it for you. I know how hard it is and it doesn't get easier the more you do it! Trust me!
I spend the wait looking for signs that it will work. I drive myself and my boy made with it all. Guess you just don't know until the results come back. So now I just try to enjoy the possibility.
*hugs*
It's all a part of self-care hon. You do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I hope that there are people you feel that you can spend time with that don't drain you, and that you get the space that you need.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies. The hardest thing for me is that I've been raised in the "stiff upper lip" British tradition, which says you don't talk about this stuff, you don't skip out on your "duties", and so on. And it can be hard for me to explain to people what's going on. I don't always know how much information to give, especially to people like coworkers. So when I miss an event like this, I feel absurdly guilty, and it can be hard for me to remind myself that sometimes I really do need to think of myself first, just to survive.
ReplyDelete